衣橱里的故事 A girl's wardrobe

When I was little, I was once ashamed of myself because I didn't have much pretty clothes as other girls. We simply couldn't afford two new clothes each year.

At the age of six, dad gave my beloved dress (still remember the look of it) to my cousin. I cried.

Probably, since then, I know clothes is something extra and it can be taken away or given. It doesn't grow with me. So I grew up with friends and books together with few clothes.

Uni life was dominated by uniforms. I only had one skirt and three T-shirts when I first started working. (My friend said she went to her job in Beijing naked.) Mum forced me to buy clothes after my night duty. (Sweet memories.) I grew up eventually and I can decide what to wear, first time in life! Colleagues were quite amazed at my one-night makeover.

That clothing philosophy was expanded then.

You can buy clothes and change your outfit in one day. It's just that quick.
Taste is something more than clothing.

I was happy with my wardrobe for quite some time. (Shanghai is the shopping paradise for everyone.) And I learned to manage my finance. Pay for what I can afford.

Life moved me to Guildford. I had a simple life for some time. Two clothes for a season were OK for me. And I have to say, they're some of my happiest seasons in life. I came to Christ. New life doesn't need new clothes.

The longer I settle in one place, the more stuff I gather. Gradually my wardrobe grew smaller (more clothes, less room) . I thought life was getting just right.

Then these voices came, 'Why not make yourself a better look? Dress up for success. If you look nicer... If you use makeup....If you use perfume....' Voices from others? or myself? Voices I should listen to or not? I was really confused and upset. I regretted a lot and blamed myself, family, my education and life... I thought they all went wrong.

Time passed by. It seems that I gathered a lot more clothes in a few years. Eventually, I came to a stage that I am confident enough to open my wardrobe on any day. Then this confidence was struck down by questions in my heart.

'Did this wardrobe give you confidence? Did this confidence give you satisfaction? Did this satisfaction make you happier?'

No. They didn't give me much satisfaction but only revealed that I always needed something to cover me and to approve me. In fact, clothes are always cheaper, no matter how much they cost. Dressing-up is always easier, no matter how complicated it can be. I was cornered by the wrong voice, and my growth was limited into a wardrobe (no matter how large it can be). I was a fool!

It's a relief to summarize my thoughts on clothes. (Seriously, it was once a big deal for me.) I feel much happier when I go for girls' shopping. I enjoy it for fun instead of serious business to make me a better person. I feel easier when people don't like my outfit. I know they haven't learned my lesson.

You can only really see with your heart. Really important things are invisible to the eye.-- Little Prince