a night of dreams

After the musical, I took the train back to Guildford.

I had such a complicated feeling about the musical, the countries, the Asian history, and people's dreams. It's something a Westerner can never understand.

The young girls in Saigon had a dream--- to a land of peace and prosperity
I had the same dream.

As the actresses singing the sad song, I was like one of them. I was working hard with the hope in my heart. The orange lamp lights became the neron light on Nanjing Rd. I was walking on the street, dreaming that I would be at the other end of the world, where life is easier, where scenes are prettier, where I could be noted as a person.

When Vietnanese rushing to the embassy, I saw myself queuing amongst them. Yes, I was one of them, look, the girl in white top and blue skirt. That was me.

The gate shut heavily. People collapsed on the platform. Me too.

The moon shines in Saigon. The young lovers sang love songs as if they would hold each other forever. Momental passion can be so real.... at that night...

The man left. A new life began. He knows that he belong to a land of civilisation. He is a decent person standing in a decent place. The blond wife speaking the same language with him is his sweetdream. He is a man of Western world. He belongs to it.. That's the real him.

The young Vietnan mum had a dream, dream smiling at her, with tears. Her love was a life, with the memory of moonlight and sunlight. After years of frustration, she still believes the dream will come to her.

I admire her love. Love is love. There is no difference of momental and eternal. It meant to be different from any other desires of men.

Of course, I know her love killed her.

A person wasn't killed by poverty, frustration, wars or the dirtest job of the world. She was killed by her love.

Poor American guy. He did what a normal American should do. Serving for the country; Indulging himself; Leaving a girlfriend; Begining a new life; Marrying in the church; Appologizing to his past and just be himself. But, he killed her lover. Gosh, what an innocent man!

Why? God Why? Why a life can be marked as cheaper on this world? Why a soul should be forgotten at the dark corner, though creeping for the light? Why people can live in laughter and delicacy, as if the world is as such for granted? Why a civilised man often overcomes obstacles for his promise to the beauty? Why he just forgets about his promise under the same sun and moon.

This is the man? God? The man you created?

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The world has changed so much in 20 years. (Of course, something never changes, such like man's faith and love. )I look back into the time behind, am amazed at the vibrant changes that happened on a simple life. I am reaching places I determined to be (I am going to US in 2 months); I am traveling to places that I read in my fairytales. I don't understand why so much blessings came upon such a life 'cheap' in the world. God is beyond understanding.

The world, mankind history is also beyond understanding.