a trip

I will never forget my hour in Newbury.

I know I messed up my life by going places without a reason. The cancellation of my trip to Germany is a lesson for me. Never go anywhere unless God is with me. I will never plan such things again.

Why I jumped onto that train, why I stopped at Newbury, Why I wanted to see my destination so desprately on a Friday evening? I didn't know on that Friday.

Until I asked myself, what do you really want? To mess up your life and others as well? To disturb a peaceful life so that I can feel 'fair'about life? To feed my heart of desire with an ANSWER of man?

No, these are not what I am after. I want to fulfill my own promise to God and man. I want to see His plan ahead. I want to know that He doesn't want to hurt me. I want to know He is more than fair, but gracious to me. I want to know. Can I know now? God. Can I ?